The Mayo Clinic research group defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance. How do you know when you're dealing with a narcissist? “I dyed my hair blond and enlarged my breasts to get men's attention—and to make other women jealous” Some narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, believing Warning Signs You're With a Narcissist · 10 Signs You're Dating a Narcissist.
Your work number is —— Have you ever called my work number? How do you know? The ultimate knowledge of reality lies with the narcissist. They must create and maintain a model of the world that pleases them. They will assert this reality onto the codependent, and others, insisting that the other believes it. Often, the aspects of reality that are being asserted are subjective and arguable, but sometimes they are beliefs that do not match easily verifiable facts. I feel sadness Her: How do you know that? I thought I felt sadness. I need you to do something about your anger.
I feel frustrated now. The narcissistic process, needing to maintain a perfect self-image, will project all negative qualities onto others, particularly the codependent. After enough of these relationships, it becomes possible to know what is happening inside the narcissist, or in their world, simply by listening to their accusations.
This example also demonstrates projective identification, where the codependent enabler actually starts to take on the projected role.
How are you feeling? What do you feel scared about? I feel scared that you might start yelling at me. How am I emotionally abusing you? What should I do? To the narcissist, your feelings are not important. Since the narcissist takes no responsibility for their experience, including feelings, any negative experience must be your fault. Sally told me that you hit her. So what if I did! She hit me first! You should never hit a child.
You made me angry. How did I make you angry? I thought about something you said and that made me angry!
This example is at the extreme end of the spectrum of narcissism. There is an absolute decoupling of action from the assignment of responsibility.
I got hurt too. A relationship is doomed to failure under these conditions. Some relationships last while both people are crushed under the weight of dysfunction, but eventually such a brittle system snaps. Why were you talking to that girl?
She came over and asked me a question. Were you attracted to her?
Not really, I guess. You were hitting on her! Having said that, these tendencies and narcissism are something any woman or man , of any age, can exhibit. There is a substantial number of ways in which narcissistic traits can present themselves, as well as to what degree they have negative impact on a relationship, and occasionally in my articles I discuss those. Back around , I met an artsy renaissance type man named Foley, who was classy, articulate, worldly, in great physical shape, dressed exceptionally well, sexually amorous, and had made his passions his work.
He was a well-known painter with a studio on his land where fellow artists all women came for instruction and to paint, daily. Early on, he expressed his desire for me to assist him with his business, help with the marketing of his studio and artwork in various galleries, and to build him a website, etc. He spun magnificent webs, convincing himself why his clients, time, and work were more important than mine keep in mind I was running my own developed, demanding business.
And this was a completely regular, normal event.
Most often becoming extremely emotional and blaming you, or whoever, one way or the other. Narcissists become particularly shameless during a divorce. They accuse the other spouse of neglecting the children when the reverse is true. They hide their assets long before the formal divorce proceedings begin. Some narcissists, both male and female, abandon their families all together and start new lives with more attractive, adoring and compliant partners. Leaving the previous spouse and children in a state of financial and psychological chaos is of no consequence to them.
Only a small fraction of the women I have dated have acted-out consistently on the narcissistic spectrum. She has an obsession with her appearance as well as a high level of materialism and superficiality. After enough of these relationships, it becomes possible to know what is happening inside the narcissist, or in their world, simply by listening to their accusations. The narcissist takes too little responsibility, while the codependent takes too much responsibility. Nor do they expect mothers to abandon, neglect or abuse their children. More From Thought Catalog.
Many narcissists repeat these egregious patterns of behavior throughout their lives without shame or regret. Over the long haul, things will only become that much worse! Because if you see her do these 3 things around you, it means she has a TRUE desire to get to know you….
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